I have a good friend that was recently introduced to my blog. She has since started from the beginning and is working her way to the present. She cracks me up at her tenacity, but I have to say she has helped me so much as of late.

She will come across one I wrote years ago and send me the link with a comment on it which forces me to go back and read it. I was freaking hilarious at times. Somewhere along the way I lost that humor and I want to find it again.

Today is it for me and the negative nonsense. I can't promise I won't have serious blogs because ultimately my goal is to continue to raise awareness for Ds, but I do plan on doing at least a few light post each week from here on out. I need that laughter back in my life. I want to find that girl again.

Of course having made this decision last night, I immediately turned wrong and now my back is on the verge of going out completely. I am sitting here waiting for the meds to kick in so that I can at least move around without fear of a twitch taking me to my knees, so funny has to wait a bit. Maybe I will come back when the Vicodin is really hitting and just ramble. That is always fun.

The kids are out of school today and I had hoped to hit the beach. Not going to happen with the back situation. I am going to drag myself to the post office to send off the pictures I have been promising my mom for the past two years. Poor woman thinks I am never sending them, but they go out today if I literally have to crawl there.

See you later, hopefully heavily medicated.

The weekend wasn't horrible, but it wasn't great. I have been accused of not being able to see the positives in life and that bothers me. I do find good in just about all things, but when people claim they "stay out of the drama" and yet are the ones to bring it to my door, I tend to feel a bit negative. Sue me.

I did get my new phone and I love it. (See, something positive). Caleb got an award for excellence in reading (another positive) and I was the crying mom in the back of the room. I am such a sap. Emily continues to grow up and become an even more fiercely independent little girl and I have mixed emotions about that. I love to see her advancing, but she is my baby and I just want to hold her and keep her little. She is refusing however, and constantly reminds me that she is "big girl, now".

There has been a slight chance of travel plans which leaves me a little disturbed. Not because she has changed her plans, but because our insurance company thought it would be cute to go ahead and ad her to our policy when all I was attempting to do was get a quote to decide how to proceed. They now refuse to remove her (even though it will be another month or so before she gets here) unless I show proof she does not live here. Their requested proof was a utility bill in her name, a letter from her school, etc. Well, let me see...she is 17 and lives with her father. No bills in her name. She is not attending school since she is working on getting her GED. At this point I am just going to ride it out until I can get someone on the phone. It would be a simple matter of having her dad write up something, but that will never happen. I would be better off forging his name and submitting it.

It isn't a huge deal, just seems silly to be paying the extra money when she isn't here. I kicked around the idea of just seeking quote elsewhere, but my fear is that since we have been with this company for so long, I might get a raise in our rates and that is the last thing I want.

I went shopping for a phone cover for my phone yesterday. When did they become so darn difficult to find? We hit Best Buy, but since they no longer sell tmobile phones in the store (no clue why, but they do online), they stopped carrying accessories for them. Makes no sense to me, but okay. Wal-Mart was next. 0-2. At that point I said I would just look online. I scoped out the tmobile site in the car and found one for 20 bucks. Not bad, pretty comparable to what the little kiosk in the mall sell them for, but I tried Amazon just to check. I found the exact same one for 2.50. Oh happy day...it is on its way.

Today Em and I play clean the living room. She loves to play that game. Okay, she loves to play "let me mess it up right behind Mommy", but she looks so darn cute while she does it, I can't get upset.

Now, I guess I should explain the travel delay. I can't go into too many details, but I will say I completely understand her reasoning and am okay with it for the most part. I just wish she had decided to attempt this before asking me to shell out the money for the ticket. I most likely could have gotten it a bit cheaper had we waited, but oh well. The ticket is good for a year and with any luck, when she does fly home it will be less and I will still have some travel funds in the account to use on another flight later. (See, looking at the positives)

I guess my only issue is that I hate when people whom really do not know me try and judge me. These people spend very little time with me even though they are "family". They project their thoughts of me into reality and others buy it up. I am not the overtly social girl. Yes, I have had past issues with my own family that make me wary of too much closeness to those that are not in my home. I have an amazing bond with my children. Just because I choose to not partake of many large family gatherings does not make me a bad person. It just makes me anti social. Again, sue me. Being introverted in large groups is not necessarily a bad thing. It also doesn't help that these same people chose to discuss my life (a life that they know nothing about since Hubby and I keep our issues to ourselves) based solely off a blog. I think we all know this is my place to vent and get it all out. I say things here that I wouldn't say anywhere else because it simply isn't polite or necessary. This is my safe haven to just bare my thoughts and move on. To have someone take my ramblings and attempt to use them against me is a joke.

I hate to break it to them, but Hubby is not perfect. Hell, I am far from perfect. Yes, as I was constantly reminded this weekend; I put this information out there for all to read so I shouldn't be upset that they read it. I honestly couldn't care less who read it. What bothers me is to try and use it against me. I stand behind my "if you don't like what you read, feel free to click that X and move on with your day."

Give me a few days, it is going to take some time to shake off this negativity that surrounds my writing, but I will shake it soon.

I got a new phone and wanted to try the new app. I could learn to like this.

First I want to say, that last blog was in no way directed at anyone here. I think that was pretty clear, but I wanted to just make absolutely sure that was a known fact. It was someone in my personal life that decided to put in their two cents. I think I have made it pretty obvious that their opinion means nothing and I will continue to write what I want, how I want, and when I want.

It did put a damper on my day and I am upset with myself for allowing anyone to get to me like that. I have since dusted myself off, given myself a nice pep talk, and will be facing tomorrow with my head held high and ready to face the day and whatever comes my way.

Since today was lost in what I am referring to as a "mental health day", tomorrow I will have to double my efforts on cleaning. It will be good for me to scrub away some stress.

My bedroom and the hallway are really all that is left to be scrubbed down. Well, my bathroom as well, but it is small and takes minimal effort, so there should be no reason not to get it all done tomorrow. I do have to break to go to Caleb's school for his award ceremony. I am picking him up some balloons as a surprise. He loves balloons and he deserves a treat.

My new phone comes tomorrow as well. I am hoping UPS is kind and waits until after I get home to attempt delivery since they are requiring a signature. They can drop my laptop at the gate, but I have to sign for a phone that cost me less than a hundred bucks? Yeah...that makes sense.

On another front, my little money making venture has indeed paid off. I received my funds today and I am quite pleased. If this continues to go as well as the first month, I am in for a nice bit of income. No, not enough to make me rich, but enough to get me out of here if that becomes necessary. That is good enough for me.

So, I apologize for my "f bomb" laden blog earlier. You guys know I keep it real and I speak my mind. If I didn't, I wouldn't be me and quite frankly, I love me.

Byeeeeeeeeee

A few days ago this particular book was brought to my attention. In the interest of being completely honest, I have not read this book. I have read the synopsis of the book and I have heard it detailed by others within the Ds community whose opinions I respect highly.

In the interest of trying to teach two of her older children about the diagnosis of their new sibling, whom has Down syndrome, this mother described him as being almost Peter Pan in his nature. Here it the "about the author" taken directly from Amazon:

A wife and mother of three amazing children- Jada, Asher and Logan. When planning for children, you think of the perfect world. You start to dream and imagine what they will look like and what they will become. From the color of their eyes and hair, to their personalities... you imagine perfection. When our third child was born, what we had imagined as perfect was a little altered. When given the news that our son had Down Syndrome, we were filled with so many questions and concerns. It didn't take long for us to realize that he was a perfect gift that God had entrusted to us. Through it all, we wouldn't change a thing. Our kids asked what Down Syndrome was, we had a hard time figuring out the right verbiage. Then it hit me...Logan is like Peter Pan!! He never wanted to grow up, he was a lot of fun to be around, and people were drawn to him. That is our son Logan. Our kids understood that it wasn't a scary thing, and that other children would wish they would have a brother or sister with Down Syndrome too. I was inspired to write a children's book that would help other siblings, students and families feel comfortable knowing that although it may be a different road to travel, it's an amazing journey to be on. We thank God we have Peter Pan living in our house!

First of all; my daughter is NOT some "forever child" that is funny all the time. Yes, she brings great joy to all of our lives. Yes, she has an amazing personality that draws people to her. Yes, I happen to think she is the most beautiful creature to ever walk this earth, BUT she is not always happy. She is not always fun to be around. She isn't always in the mood for people to swoon over her. In other words...she is NORMAL.

It hurts me and saddens me that this woman has this view of our children. I have fought these last five years to overcome such ridiculous stereotypes and here I find myself having to fight someone within my own community.

To think that Emily longs to remain a child all her life astounds me. This girl is almost 5 going on 20. She loves being a "big girl" and will get quite angry at you when you try and treat her like a baby. When one of the kids talks to her in the "baby" voice, you can see her expression and just know she is thinking..."Seriously, I can understand you, please talk to me on my level."

Some advocates have reached out to the author of this book and been met with nothing but resistance. She fails to grasp why so many of us (and trust me, there are MANY) have a problem with this book. While I don't think she intended harm, if this material gets put into schools to help others learn of Down syndrome, we are headed for trouble.

I recall the moment we had to sit down and explain to our children that Emily had Down syndrome. I was terrified because I was unsure what to say and even more unsure how they would handle the news. I think you have all heard how it went...Me and Hubby sitting the kids down for our very "serious" discussion...Hubby saying (in the absence of how to say it better) Emily has Down syndrome. Both us looking at all the kids holding our breath's for the questions sure to come....Jake speaking up "Is she going to come home soon?"...our nodding our heads waiting for the "difficult" questions to come...Jake again responding "Oh, well okay then. What's for dinner?".

You see, our children love her because she is their sister. They didn't need a five hour presentation on the ins and outs of Ds. Over the years, questions have arisen and we sit down and take them as they come. Mostly it was about her heart surgery and how long she would be in the hospital. Caleb was just two when Emily was born. He is aware she has Ds, but in his mind, that is his sister and she gives good hugs and kisses.

Never have I heard any of the children refer to her as forever child like. Never have they questioned will she grow up. We all have hopes and dreams for her. She herself has desires, dreams, and hope for the future. At the ripe old age of 4 (almost 5 she would like me to remind you), she hasn't exactly mapped out her entire future, but she wants you to know she is going to have one and wants nothing more than to grow up, fall in love, and live the most amazing life anyone could imagine. (Sorry to tell her that no one will ever be good enough in my eyes, so she should forget that whole "fall in love" thing and just work on being a fiercely independent woman...)

So, for the record...my daughter's name is Emily. She does not live in Never Never Land, but in beautiful San Diego. She has the desire to grow up and she will go on to be whatever she puts her mind to. She is amazing. She is beautiful. She is the center of my world. Oh, and she has Down syndrome.

No Peter Pan for us, thank you very much.