Sunday, 05 October 2008

• When is Enough Finally Enough?

  I have a close family member that has been going through marital trouble for three years now. She discovered her husband of over three decades was seeing someone else. In an effort to keep things private and work on her marriage, she kept that knowledge to herself for almost eleven months. She only informed the family after he decided the day after Christmas that he could no longer remain in the home.

  Since that fateful day three years ago, she has done everything humanly possible to try and reconcile with her husband. He in turn has lied to both her and his mistress, claiming to each that he was no longer seeing the other. I have watched my family member turn  herself inside for this man and he in turn push her to the side when she no longer suited his needs.

  In these past three years, we as a family have had to endure this mans presence at different family functions. She had asked each of us to reserve our own judgments and help her keep her husband. Up until recently, hubby and I were actually supportive of a reconciliation. We cared greatly for this man and were hopeful that this was simply that infamous midlife crisis and he would soon see the error of his ways.

  A month ago things began to turn. This man was involved in a near fatal car accident. My family member was informed a few days later by friends. She immediately raced to the hospital, which by strange coincidence was very near the mistress home, and took charge of his health care. She had to endure the indignity of the mistress appearing on more than one occasion.

  He became quite ill with a secondary infection and honestly came quite close to not surviving. My family member stayed by his side day and night. This past weekend word came from his doctor that he was on the road to recovery and would be discharged by the end of the week. This is where it turns even uglier.

  This man informed his wife that he would not be coming to her home as he had been stating since the beginning. He instead would be going to his mistress home to recover. He actually asked her however, if she would be so kind as to remain for the rest of the week to ensure his care went as planned. I am pleased to say she declined.

  Today Hubby was talking to her about how she was doing. She informed him that she had been in contact with her husband (while he is at his lovers home). He was in need of all the information she had gathered regarding his damaged car (which she had taken care of while he was hospitalized and had brought to her home fully repaired) as well as his insurance claims. She gave him the needed information claiming that she felt she needed to take the high road and continue to assist him.

  This is where I became enraged. The high road ended three miles back and as far as I am concerned, he can walk his happy butt the entire way. She is unable or unwilling to see that she continues to enable his behavior by being at his beck and call.

  For me personally, I probably would have done as she did in the beginning. I love my husband, we have a family together and I think one chance is at least what I owe them all. However, the moment I discovered he was still seeing the other woman, I would have been gone. Oh, and the only way I would go to the hospital under those circumstances would be to pull the damn plug.

  If this were your significant other, would you continue to assist him even though you knew he was only using you? When would enough have been enough for you?

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