Sunday, 30 November 2008

• One ex wife, one sick baby, one bad holiday!

  This might be a quickie. Em is still not feeling great, but she is watching her favorite Blue's Clues right now and I am taking the chance.

  I always have such high hopes for the holidays. My parents divorced when I was young, so I am quite accustomed to the mad dash between homes that always occurs. We always start our Thanksgiving with Matt's mothers family for our main meal. After a few hours we head to his dad's side of the family for some more eating and visiting. We finally end the day by dropping Matt's three off to spend the remainder of the holiday weekend with their mom's side of the family. Sounds busy, but oh so simple, right? I wish.

  Each year, without fail, the ex always calls to change the plans at the last possible minute. By the last possible minute, I mean we are at Matt's aunts home and his cell phone begins to ring. We are no longer supposed to drop them off at their great grandmother's home; we now must drop them off at some random friend of the ex. This happens, seriously, every freaking year.

  Matt and I discussed the situation prior to this holiday go around. Due to some other issues, it was decided that we would allow the children's maternal grandmother the weekend with them instead of leaving them with their mother. The visitation schedule allows us to make that decision without first degassing it with the mother. Another blog for another day, but Matt was well within his rights to allow this to happen. I was thrilled thinking that we were finally going to have a nice quiet Thanksgiving. I have never been quite as wrong as I was this time.

  Without fail, the phone began to ring within an hour of our hitting his aunt's home. Matt didn't take the call in the beginning, but after 10 calls back to back, he excused himself to handle the situation. The ex was demanding that we drop the children off at the location she was at and that we were not to take them to see her family. It seems she was feuding with her mother, brother, and grandmother and the children were going to be placed in the middle.

  Matt reached the grandmother and it was decided that the plans were not going to be changed simply because the ex was having a hissy fit. Due to the continuing phone calls to not only Matt, but his oldest son, we decided to cut the visit short and head the children over to the grandmother's home. Now, I haven't even mentioned poor Emily. Throughout the entire day, she had been really sick and so I was trying to deal with her along with the other happenings.

  Off we go to drop the children. Unload the suitcases, tell them goodbye, and we begin our two hour drive back up the mountain to come home. By now we are breathing a sigh of relief because we think it is all over and we can focus on what is happening with Em. We hadn't even made it to the base of the mountain before the phone was ringing. Ex came by the grandmother's home and removed the children. She did not take their clothes or blankets, she simply took the children and refused to return them.

  The remainder of my weekend was spent taking Emily to the doctor and trying to help her tummy issue while having to reassure Matt that the children would be returned on Sunday. The phone calls, the threats, the stupid statements that she was unaware they were divorced and there was a child support order. By the way, she remarried just last year and requested that we fax her the front page of the divorce decree so that she could show proof of the divorce when she applied for the marriage license. Sounds to me like she knew there was a divorce.

  Matt has never had the child support order enforced. It has been a standing order since 2004, but for reasons that I can't explain, he never wanted to enforce it. I have often blogged about my disapproval about the way he had handled the situation with the ex. It has been my feeling all along that he was way too accommodating and allowed her to run our lives at her whimsy. As a result of that, we have the situation that we are in now. The ex has had far too much power and control and so she feels that she can do or say anything and we are simply going to bow down to her wishes.  He let her know that he would be seeking to enforce the order due to her continuing drama. She has now decided to declare war on our home.

  For Matt, it isn't about the money. He wants her to understand that she cannot pick and choose what parts of the divorce papers she cares to utilize; when she is even willing to concede there are indeed divorce papers. My week is looking busy. Em heads back to the doctor tomorrow and I am hoping there have been significant improvements with her tummy, but if not, I am unsure what the next step entails.

  As for the ex. We have filled out the necessary paperwork to enforce the orders and are filing them tomorrow. She stands her ground that she will file her own paperwork and be awarded custody of the children. The divorce was finalized over four years ago. She didn't show up for the hearing and Matt received a default in the proceedings. Her time to complain about the proceedings has long since passed and I am sad that the children are having to be put through this once again. I personally am looking forward to her standing before the judge and playing the "I didn't know" card. In all of this, at least I can get a good laugh when he or she puts the ex in her place.

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