Sunday, 11 January 2009
-
Quickie...maybe
Well, I mentioned to you all the difficulties I have been having with Josh and it remains a tense situation. I am doing well with remaining calm and have learned that there are just going to be times that I have to remove myself from the house. I did that yesterday morning when it all became too much to handle. I took a drive and called Matt to quietly explain my position. I would love to say that he heard me and promised to make the needed changes to alleviate the situation, but we all know that didn't happen.
Matt was very much like Josh when he was a child and for that reason he feels this need to make excuses for his behavior. There are no excuses, the child has some obvious issues that need to be addressed. His mother left him when he was four and has only been a faint image in their lives when the need suits her. He is angry; rightfully so; but his anger is misplaced. I don't find it coincidental that he is angry with me this weekend. Their mother had promised to pick them up for the weekend and shockingly, she didn't show. It took more than ten phone calls between Thursday evening and Friday afternoon before they learned of her change of plans. Matt and I have told them many times in the past to not expect her to show up until she is in the driveway, but they are kids and they always believe her. She wouldn't even take their calls those two days. A simple "no, I won't be there" would have been great.
I am almost finished with the book Tammi suggested; Momma Zen Walking the Crooked Path of Motherhood by Karen Maezen Miller. If you have not read this book, I highly recommend it. Even prior to picking it up, I had begun to do many of the things she suggest. It has been a sort of confirmation that I can do this, I just have to stop trying so hard.
I have been working hard on my goals and have a couple of more that I can check off my list. I will update those at the beginning of the month.
That is it for now. I am off to clean the house and then head to the grocery store. You all have a lovely Sunday!
Oh, and because it worked last week and I am all about superstition...GO CHARGERS!!
-
recommend
- recs 0
-
share
-
email
- sent 0
Post a Comment
- Back to gwacemom's Momaroo Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in gwacemom's local time zone: GMT -08:00 (Pacific Standard - US, Canada)
Comments (13)
Could you maybe get into a family counselor?
You are doing wonderful in controlling your reactions.
I'm sorry things are so rough. :( I'll definitely have to pick up that book. I'm always looking for something new to read. Hope your day is better today.
@TornadoChaser - You are my inspiration in case you weren't aware. Family counseling has been tossed around just never acted upon. I will get through this, I know I will. I am focusing on the here and now and letting the future worry about itself.
@AbsolutelyNormalChaos61308@xanga - Most definately, this book is worth a read. Thanks so much for stopping by. I am looking forward to a growing friendship.
@gwacemom - I wasn't. Haha. Great mindset.
I'm so far behind in everything thtas been going on. I guess I'll hve to check up. I'm sorry that you'r ehaving trouble with him, and it def doesn't help that his mother is so unreliable. Poor Kid. I hope everything works out.
@MommasBbyKnJke@xanga - I was just thinking about you last night. I was wondering where you had been.
You are doing so well with a lesson that has taken me so long to learn (and I still often forget!) - you cant change other people. You cant change what they do, think, or say. But you can control how you react to them.
I also think it is great that if Matt ever decides to try to understand your side, you can print out pages from here to show him the situation and your reactions. And then it wont be exaggerated from memory or an angry confrontation. He can just read your thoughts.
Here's to an awesome monday!
@der_lila_Stern@xanga - What a wonderful idea. I had never thought of some day allowing him to read these posts to see how difficult it has been. We all know I tend to get emotional when I try and talk so anything I want to say is lost in the emotions. Thank you!!
it sounds like you are doing MUCH better than I would be. Sometimes removing yourself is probably a good idea, I would probably freak out and scream. (which is obviously the wrong thing to do) I hope it gets better for you soon.
You definitely make the cut. We've only been online friends for a few days but you've helped me tremendously, and your comments are so reassuring and uplifting. :o) Thank you for all that you've done!
@AbsolutelyNormalChaos61308@xanga - It is nice to hear that, really. I so want to read about when Lucy is born healthy and happy.
Jinkies. I'm behind. I'm sorry things are so rough. I watch my mom go through the same things with my cousin's two little boys. My cousin will show up when she promises...unfortunately, that's about twice a year. Their dad faught for all this visitation time with them (three days a week and every other weekend + every other holiday) and then this past week my mom called me...it was a little after 4pm, the boys (6 & 8 years old) get out of school at 3pm, freaked out because their dad was supposed to pick them up from school, as per visitation orders (did I mention he faught for this time with them and this schedule??), and he calls her at 4pm and asks, "Are the kids with you?" Uhhhhmmm, NO. He'd taken a nap instead of picking them up. They waited at a nearby park for a while and then, just as my mom was putting on her shoes to go look for them, her heart in her throat, they turned up at the front door! All fine and dandy since she was home, but she wasn't expecting to have the kids for another 3 hours...what if she'd been out running errands? (Some kids may be mature enough to be left home alone for short periods of time at 8 years old; these two are definitely not.) If he's "too tired" he calls her and has her tell the kids that he can't make it...if they're sick, he doesn't want to pick them up and risk them getting himself sick, but if he's sick he'll still them up and get them sick. When the kids complained to him about all the time that have to spend at his house (they say it's gross and they're not allowed to do anything except watch TV), he lied and told them that it was my mom and their mom that pushed for him to have them so much. Over Christmas, he told them that Santa was only comming to his house; not my mom's. Why?? You know you're just making yourself out to be the bad guy - AGAIN - when you're proven wrong. D'uh...?! He slays me. And I know it's just hurting the kids more than they already are. :-/
I hope things get better...and, if you possibly can, I would take action towards the family counseling ASAP. It's been my experience that these things only get worse with time if left to fester. Matt really needs to help you deal with this and maybe hearing it from someone with a PhD framed up on her wall is what it will take for him to see that.
@filtered_sunlight - Oh, your poor mom. I have had that happen to me more than once. Whitney and I went out shopping one afternoon because the ex was taking the kids to Sea World. We assumed we would have more than an hour and a half. It takes that long just to park and get in the darn park, but I received a phone call less than two hours later. They were sitting in front of the house waiting for me to get home. "Mommy" got tired of walking. Ugh.
For the moment I am focused on my reactions in relation to their actions and I am feeling more at peace than I have in a long time. Counseling is something I am working on, but it is difficult when everyone seems to think all is well.
Give that sweet baby a hug!