Tuesday, 23 June 2009

• Honey, are you listening?

  Since my list for my children was so wildly popular; I decided to make one for spouses. I think it would be a huge help for  all of us that have that clueless spouse. Perhaps it might have even saved Jon and Kate from their impending divorce. (Just threw that in for the gossip factor)

  1. If you ask me to handle something on the phone; let me handle it. Please do not sit in the background telling me exactly what to say. I can't hear both you and the person on the other line, so someone is getting shortchanged. If you feel I missed something important, write it down and slip it over to me. I promise this is not my first phone call and that I can manage.

  2. When reading my blog, unless I specifically ask you to proofread; don't. There is nothing worse than being told my sentence was structured incorrectly. Especially when it wasn't.

  3. No, I do not want to take a ride on your disco stick. Quoting Lady GaGa is not the way to get me in bed.

  4. "Honey, why don't you go take a nice hot bath while I get the children to bed" works wonders. Hot bath; yes. Disco stick; not so much.

  5. There really is no law stating that men can't change diapers. I looked it up.

  6. The same cannot be said for putting gas in the car. I am positive there is a law that states that is a man's job.

  7. Do not make fun of me when I am watching The Real Housewives of Wherever. When you start asking about what is going on with Gretchen and Slade; you have blown your cover.

  8.Beer is not a food group.

  9. A relaxing day at the beach does not mean you relax while I watch six children run crazy.

  10. Your mother is not a saint.

  11.Neither is mine, but only I can say that.

  12. The trash won't take itself out.

  13. Trash day has always been on the same day. Why every week you act shocked that the trash men come on Thursday simply amazes me.

  14. When I say I would love a backrub; just once, give me a backrub. I promise that isn't code for jump my bones. If I want you to do so; I will tell you loud and clear.

  15. Don't ever expect me to use the phrase "jump my bones" again.

  16. I don't know what the ex wife wanted. Perhaps calling her back will give you the information you seek. I am not a mindreader and quite frankly, she doesn't have a mind.

  17. Yes, as a matter of fact, I do plan on wearing this to the party.

  18. That black thing that hangs out in our dressing room; they call that a vacuum cleaner. Again, no law is in place saying men can't use it.

  19. Feeding Emily while I run errands will not kill you or her. The whole "I will just wait until you get back" excuse is wearing thin. What if I am gone for the weekend; will the poor girl starve?

  20. I love you totally. I knew that I could make this list and you would laugh right along with me. You are the best and I am one lucky girl.

  Now, if and when this hits the front page; here is my disclaimer:

  THIS WAS WRITTEN WITH SARCASM AND HUMOR. Some incidents have been changed to protect the innocent and not so innocent. Some things have been added strictly for the humor factor. I am in no way serious about any of the above comments with the exception of the diaper changing and the fact that I adore my husband. If you can't take a joke; please move on.

  Okay, did I forget any?

  • 9:47 AM
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