Monday, 26 October 2009

• Drama drama everywhere

  After my mini meltdown on Saturday, I was determined to remain stress free. That was somewhat difficult when the loons began to circle.

  Josh was having his first band performance at Friday's high school game. The loons being the oh so concerned family members promised to be there. Color me shocked when they failed to show up. The second loon in command; Nana; told Liz that she didn't have enough gas money to make the trip. She then told Jake that it was the head loon, H's, fault because she kept going back and forth about going. Honestly, I don't care why you didn't come just stop making  promises you don't intend on keeping.

  On Saturday afternoon the house phone begins to ring. It is the second loon in command. I refuse to answer the phone because this is why Josh was given his phone. He is to handle the calls from the crazy lady and I never had to answer their calls again. For the next hour she would call the house every five minutes. Now, some people would probably just give in and answer the phone, but I am not most people. I refuse to reward her behavior. She then takes to calling Jake's phone every five minutes for the next hour. He is attempting to do homework and is in no mood for her games either. He finally gives in and takes the call. Crazy lady is hysterical because she hasn't heard from H in, I don't know, hours. Well of course anytime a childs mother that has been drinking and driving like a madwoman goes missing, the first thing you should do is contact her minor children and scare the crap out of them.

  She first demanded to know why I didn't answer the house phone. Jake begins to explain that we were busy and I am in the background yelling "Because I don't want to talk to you crazy woman." I know not exactly nice, but I hate these people. She then goes into a detailed accounting of  how long H has been missing, how worried she is that something "terrible" has happened and when was the last time any of the children have spoken to her. Nothing like a little panic to excite my weekend.

  Josh had mentioned that he had spoken to his mother the night before following his performance. He claimed that she called him right after to ask how it went and to let him know she would be picking them up this weekend. When confronted by his nana, he reversed that story and said he hadn't actually spoken to her that she had just left a message. I lean towards he made that up because he was pissed she didn't come to the game. So, no one is really sure when H was last heard from. Did I mention that the kids didn't even bat an eye when she heard she was gone? The general consensus was that she was in jail for a DUI. I still think that is where she is, but the story soon became even more dramafied.

  About an hour after that frantic phone call Josh came in to report that "Mommy" was stuck in Mexico with Mr. H. Now, Mr. H is Nanas married boyfriend of ten years. Recently H has been making friends with Mr. H and spending most days out at his place drinking herself into a stupor. Apparently, Nana received a phone call from Mr. H (the married boyfriend whose wife is I don't know where during this saga) informing her that he and H had taken a trip to Mexico for a day of fishing and H "forgot" she needed a passport to re enter the country. Don't you just hate when that happens? It is only posted all over the freaking border and been on the news for the past two years, but H apparently didn't get the memo.

  Now the story is that Mr. H and H are going to spend the week fishing in Mexico with some of his family members. I guess by the end of the week H's little passport fiasco will have magically worked itself out. I don't even know if she has a passport. I know Matt has his because he worked out of the country for six months, but that was pre H days.

  Nana is beyond angry I am sure that her daughter is now making time with her boyfriend. I personally am disgusted beyond belief that these two are sharing a married man. A man old enough to be H's grandfather I might add. So, as it stands, H is "fishing" in Mexico with a dirty old man while her children remain here having not seen her in about two months. Oh joy.

  ---

  On a totally different note; My son will be a father come Thursday. (shut up people, I swear I am only 21)

  I spoke with him last week and they will be inducing B on Thursday if the little guy doesn't make his appearance before then. I just shipped out the stroller/car seat combo they asked for and it is scheduled to be there the day prior to the inducing. Yea!!

  Now, to fully appreciate the rest of this story you have to hear about my night. Matt and I went to a movie yesterday afternoon for our date night. (We saw Zombieland  and if you are looking for something that is hilarious and doesn't make you think, go see this movie; it was a bit on the bloody side though). Anyway, we got home to a disaster of a house which is par for the course on date nights. The kids were riled up and being loud and I was regretting not stopping for that margarita as originally planned. I got Emily to sleep just before eight so I could catch The Amazing Race. I didn't fall asleep until almost midnight for reasons that you can well imagine. Anyway, at three Em woke up with a horrible cough and sniffles. I put her into bed with us and tried to get her back to sleep. She was having none of it and it was almost 4:30 before she finally went back to bed. Matt's alarm went off not five minutes later and continued to go off every nine minutes until five. I finally dozed back off around 5:15 and promptly woke up every fifteen minutes knowing that I had to be up at seven to take the kids to school. In one of my twenty minute cat naps my cell phone starting going off. It was either Whitney needing something for school or the dumbass who after eight years still doesn't grasp the two hour time difference in our residences.

  It was indeed the dumbass. I have to print his text word for word so that you can understand why he makes me crazy:

  Just wanted to let you know that they are inducing B on Thursday. I will let you know what happens. Whitney and Alyssa are going to be Ants. That just sound wierd.

  Why yes, yes I know all about the induction. I spoke with Garrett last week. I also find it WEIRD that Whitney and Alyssa are going to be pest found at most picnics. And he wonders why Alyssa has such issues with spelling. I text back the following message:

  Yes, Garrett let me know the other day. Oh, and I just have to mention, the correct word is AUNTS.

  He responded something about that was how all rednecks spelled. Now, I am quite proud of my redneck roots and I beg to differ with him on that statement. Insulting perfectly good rednecks because he can't spell is just wrong.

  That is all from my world. Public service announcement for today: Remember your passport when you go fishing in Mexico with your mother's married boyfriend so that you do not get stuck down there with no way out.

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