Saturday, 31 October 2009

• Are you listening kids? Pt. 3

  Yes, you read it right. This is part 3 of that oh so popular series of mine; "Are you listening, kids?" If you do not have a sense of humor then please do us all a favor and stop reading right now. Some of these have been put in here for sheer laughs and sadly, some of them are things I have had to utter over the past few days. So, without further ado, welcome to my world.

  1. If you are attempting to convince me that you "deserve" to go to the amusement park with the school, a smile and a helpful attitude goes a lot farther than that fit you threw last night when I told you to take out the trash.
  2. It can't always be Caleb's fault.
  3. Next time you want to hide the fact that your teacher called; delete the number off ALL the handsets, not just one.
  4. You might want to erase the message he left too.
  5. The "but I don't know why he called" defense would work better had you not done number 3.
  6. If the teacher says you didn't turn in the work and you can't produce the paper in question; you didn't do the work.
  7. "I don't know" is still not a valid answer.
  8. If your crazy grandmother calls; I am ALWAYS in the shower.
  9. If it is date night the only time you should call us is if someone is bleeding profusely.
  10. Go look up profusely prior to making the call.
  11. "My teacher is stupid" does not excuse the "F" you got on your report card.
  12. No dodge ball in the house. (This one is oh so real and I am still  angry)
  13. No baseball in the house.
  14. No basketball in the house.
  15. No balls in the house whatsoever. Check your balls at the front door. (Take that how it sounds) :)
  16. If you hear me utter the words; "I need a drink" you have pushed me too far and life as you know it is about to take a very ugly turn.
  17. Yet again, your dad will be home when you see him walk in the door.
  18. Dinner is still whatever you find on your plate at dinner time. Feel free to not eat, but keep your complaints to yourself.
  19. That lovely whistle that you are planning on using as part of your Halloween costume will soon have a terrible accident with the garbage disposal if you continue to blow on it at the crack of dawn.
  20. "Helping" Caleb on the computer is a joke. That child knows more about that thing than all of us combined. Own up that you just threw him off and so that you could get on. You will still be in trouble, but at least you will have earned my respect for telling the truth.

  That is all for now. Not near as funny as normal, but I am having an off day.

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