Today is the day that my son is officially scheduled to become a father. His girlfriend was set to have her labor induced about an hour ago. They are having a little boy and Garrett is beyond excited.

Now, I can totally admit that the whole "I am going to be a grandmother" thing gives me a moments pause. I am only forty and have two toddlers of my own. I really don't feel that whole "grandmother" vibe, but I am super excited to welcome the little guy into the world. In a perfect world, Garrett would be 30 not 18 when he had his first child, but this world is far from perfect.

I have heard nothing yet, but I have my phone by my side anxiously awaiting news. Pictures will be forthcoming as soon as I get them. Please send out some prayers if that is your thing and positive thoughts if it isn't.

Thanks, and please...no grandma jokes.

If you haven't heard, we lost Sam yesterday. Now, you might be asking yourself; "who is sam?". Sam is that stupid little action figure that came with the stupid little Bumblebee car that cost me a stupid amount of money. Caleb had been really great about keeping them together, but in a house of seven children and two dogs, things get lost. Sam has, in Caleb's words, "headed over to Michaela's house for some kissing". I am fine with that, but the little bastard could have told me he was leaving first.

Yes, I know, I am entirely too wrapped up in this Sam saga. The thing is, sometime today when I am intensively involved with blogging cleaning, Caleb will suddenly have a Sam moment and expect me to drop everything to find the little bugger. He is not.in.this.house. I have looked everywhere. I swear this morning I even turned the couch and chair over on their sides to see if perhaps Sam had taken refuge in the bottoms of the furniture. Nope, he is still hiding.

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Today was supposed to be the day for my wisdom teeth removal. You might be asking yourself; "if that was today, why are you hear talking nonsense about some action figure that none of us care about?" Well, I will be happy to tell you. I had to postpone the stupid removal because someone (coughMattcough)  forgot it was today and went to work. Now, knowing how much I hate all things dentist, it wasn't a huge stretch for me to just not remind him when he mentioned he was going to work today. Hey, my jaw isn't hurting and I weaned myself off the vicodin; I can go another two years before I need it taken out. Ah, denial; it really isn't just a river in Egypt.

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I woke up in a fabulous mood which can only mean that this day is going to end up horrific. It dropped down to the low 40's last night and Jake came in this morning saying he nearly froze to death last night. I just gave him the look because I didn't sleep with the heat on either and didn't freeze to death. I had to alter that look when he discovered that Josh had opened the window sometime yesterday and "forgot" to close it last night. As the two of them were arguing over the wisdom of keeping the window open during nights like that my head started to ache and I had to go to my "happy place". I explained that I didn't care if Josh wasn't cold (as he stood there in a freaking parka like jacket) that it was nonsense to keep the window open at night any longer. Oh, good times.

Whitney called me about ten seconds after I dropped her off at school. She was dress coded for her SRH hoodie and needed another jacket. Thankfully, Travis hadn't left his house yet and brought her one of his which saved me another trip back to the school.

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My plan of attack today is to avoid all phone calls and children. If I can just make it to date time, I can remain in a good mood. The house needs a thorough cleaning and search for Sam again, so that is my goal. Clean and find Sam. I know, I am a bit obsessive, but they don't just sell Sam by himself. Oh no, you have to go purchase the entire new Bumblebee set for the stupid original price I paid. I am not doing it. If you hear of some crazy woman that was arrested trying to snatch a Sam out of the set, that was NOT me. However, Sarah and April...bail money would be appreciated.

I did impose this new rule for the kids and thus far it is working. We all know my hatred of dishes in my sink and numerous glasses on my table. The other day after once again not eating dinner, I awoke to a zillion dishes. I went a bit over the top and declared war. I informed them all that the next time I found such a display in my kitchen that they would all lose internet, phone, handheld games, PS games, television, and radio for a week. Drastic some might say, but this has been going on for months and nobody is taking me seriously. The wonderful part of my plan is; they all suffer the consequences no matter who the offending party was. This way I weed out the whole; "that isn't mine" defense. I don't care whose it was; you are all punished.

Thus far it has been a huge success. We are only two days in, but they are all reminding each other to make sure that all their stuff has been washed and put away. Of course, now my dish drainer is piled high with dishes that nobody bothers to put away. It is like a big game of Jenga. Let me see if I can pull this plate out without knocking the entire contents on the floor. Baby steps people, baby steps.

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Breakfast is calling my name so I am out of here like yesterday's news. Have a great one!

The other day during a "discussion" Matt made the statement that I put my children first in my life. I don't deny that, I absolutely do. The problem is; biblically, God should come first and then my spouse followed by my children. I understand that, I just don't do that.

When asked to define myself I always start with "mother" followed by "wife". Do I do this because this is a second marriage and I have children from the previous one? I doubt that because I did the same thing in my first marriage. When things began to turn bad in that marriage I realized that I couldn't be a good wife, but I could be a damn good mother. Not to sound cynical, but men come and go; my children are my children for my lifetime.

I have made no secret of my childhood and the issues that surrounded it. My dad and my mother divorced, but my dad was still the most amazing dad in the world. He didn't divorce me and it was him that kept me going during those difficult years. My mom moved on to my stepfather and suddenly we were expected to change our entire lives to fit his. Do not get me wrong, I adored my stepfather, but it was obvious that he replaced us in my mothers world. I never wanted my kids to feel like they had been replaced by anyone.

A rather deep discussion for a Monday, but this is what I have been pondering. Does it make me a bad wife for putting my children ahead of my spouse?

 

October 25th, 2007 was most likely just another day for most of you. For me it was a day of fear and overwhelming joy. Emily was just eight months old and after a month of false starts; she was heading in to have her heart repaired.

As a parent you can't begin to imagine how it feels to hear someone tell you; "We are going to be stopping her heart and placing her on a bypass machine. The tissues we are working with are thinner than the thinnest piece of paper. Her heart is so small that it will be a very delicate procedure." After hearing all of this I was supposed to simply hand my twelve pound tiny eight month old over to a nurse that I had met an hour prior? Yes, that was what I was supposed to do and I did.

It is completely surreal to hand over your life and know that you have no power over if that life comes back to you. I was placing that life into the hands of a doctor that I had spoken to on only three other occasions. To say that I was terrified would not even begin to describe it. I handed Emily over to the nurse and then stood there until the doors closed. I remember Matt holding me and I honestly believe had he not, I would have fallen to the floor. I had no idea if I would see my Emily alive again, but I had to believe that I would.

We were given a pager to keep with us while we waited. They would page us if there were any problems and as soon as Emily was off the bypass machine. I can remember asking the all important question; "From the moment that child leaves my arms until the moment I see her again, how long will that be?" I was told six to seven hours minimum. I learned after Emily's first surgery that if I simply asked how long the surgery was expected to take, that would be exactly what they would tell me. What I didn't know at the time was; they don't take into consideration the amount of time it takes to get her prepped in the room or how long she is there until they move her to recovery. Trust me, that is a difference of a few hours and I freaked out when after the two hour "surgery" time came and went. It was only after that they explained it took almost an hour to get her prepped and another hour to get her stable enough to head to recovery. That two hour surgery was actually four and a half. I learned from then on to ask specifically how long until I saw that beautiful face again.

The nurse was so nice and explained the pager policy. In a perfect situation, you don't want to hear that pager before the six hours are over. Any sooner and it most likely means that there was some complication and they are making you aware of that. Okay, no pager noise for six hours equals good; noise before six hours equals bad. Got it.

Matt's dad and step mother were the only two people at the hospital with us. Several family members had offered to come keep our minds occupied, but we honestly wanted to be alone. With his dad and step mom, we were not expected to talk or put on a brave face. They were simply silent support and I will forever love them for that. They didn't try and make conversation or keep my mind on other things, they seriously let me stare at the wall for four hours.

For reasons that are too silly to explain, Matt ended up having to leave the hospital for a short period of time. One of the kids needed something and I encouraged him to go handle the matter. There was no way in hell I was leaving and I knew that him getting out would do him a bit of good. It was at that point his parents convinced me to head to the cafeteria. Matt left at hour four and we knew he had at least two hours before the surgery was over to make it back to the hospital. His errand would take less than an hour so all was good.

I agreed to head downstairs to stare at those walls for a bit. We had literally just sat down to lunch when the pager went off. It was hour five and it was too soon for that pager to go off. My heart stopped and I hurled myself to the nearest phone bracing myself for what they were going to say to me.

I, with my body shaking so bad I wasn't sure I could stand, dial the extention and practically yell at the poor woman that had the misfortune to pick up. It was at that moment that I heard the most beautiful words; Emily was off the bypass and would be heading to recovery in less than half an hour. I almost fell to the floor and asked her once more to repeat what she had just said.

I grabbed my in-laws whom had stayed nearby but far enough away so that I could have a moment if I needed one and shared the fantastic news. I then called Matt and told him to hurry back because Emily was coming up soon. He made it back just in time to see our angel brought into the PICU. Even with the head brace and all those tubes, she was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen.

She remained in the PICU for two days before she was sent to the step down unit. On day six she was released from the hospital and we brought our sweet girl home on Halloween.

I find it so hard to believe that two years have gone by and yet it also seems like a lifetime ago. Emily has done so well that we are now on a once a year cardiologist visit with the promise of soon going to every three years.

Since that time Emily has learned to walk, talk, and has gotten more adorable as the days go by. She has done so well that it has often been said that her heart shows no signs of ever being "broken".

Today marks two years and I wanted to just take a moment and reflect. I literally placed my life in a strangers hands two years ago and thankfully she handed it back to me totally repaired. How does one thank someone for saving their childs life? The only way that I knew how was to ensure that Emily not waste one moment of her life and to show others that a life started with challenges doesn't mean a lifetime OF challenges.

Happy Fixed Heart Day, baby. You are the most amazing person I have ever known and I love more than you will ever understand.

This was taken about two weeks prior to her surgery.

Sweetness today:

She looks like she was coming off a three day drunk, but it was the best recent close up I had.

This morning I was telling the ongoing saga to my friend Amy. She convinced me to not let the matter drop and once again try and reach the Vice Principal.

Since I tend to get emotional, I decided to go the way of email rather than a phone call. I composed the email making sure that I kept it on point and devoid of emotions and hit the send button. Within 10 minutes I had a response. He explained that he had another student involved in a similar situation (the same teacher I am guessing) and had mistakenly thought we were one and the same. He assured me that he would look into a transfer for Whitney and could I please forward the emails so that he could look them over. I agreed and sent them right over.

I received a second email letting me know that Whitney had been removed from the woman's classroom effective today and there would be no further contact from her. I am unsure what, if anything, he plans to do about her emails, but I am quite content just to have Whitney out of the situation.

Drama over and I am thrilled.