gwacemom's Momaroo

The sound you hear is silence

Sat, 21 Nov 2009 01:06:17 GMT

H's brother came this afternoon and picked up the kids. I am finally getting a small break. Thank you C and M.

At the moment Emily is watching Wubbzy; Caleb is playing on the computer; and Whitney and Mandi have Alyssa locked in the bathroom giving her a makeover. I am having a nice quiet moment of relaxation. I could cry.

I had the strangest thought today and I really must be slapped if I ever think like this again. You see, Toys r Us was having a huge sale today. At least that was how they marketed it. I thought what fun it would be to load up the toddlers and Whit, Mandi, and Alyssa for a trip to toys r us. What a freaking mistake. Everyone and their nephew was there and this store is really, really small compared to some of the others I have been in. I have no clue what was on sale because there was not a single aisle that I could make it down. It was madness. Caleb and Emily did manage to walk away with sippy cups that have their names on them. I was so excited I found one that actually said "Caleb".

No shopping was completed and I am seriously considering going strictly online after this. Madness, I tell you.

I am going to head out and enjoy the quiet. I have some things on my mind and I might hit on those tomorrow. Have a wonderful night.

Are you listening, family?

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 18:07:38 GMT

Yes, it is that time once again. I am having one of those kind of days where the entire family (including the dog) is on my nerves. This shall be the family edition of things I wish people understood. As always, my tongue is firmly in my cheek when I write these. If you lack a sense of humor, please stop now. Humor is required to understand the list. Thanks!

When you are warming something up in the microwave that contains gravy; it IS going to splatter. Put a cover over it or clean the mess yourself. An "Oh, I am so sorry honey" really doesn't get the microwave clean now does it?
Beds are made for sleeping. No, dragging your mattress into the living room because "it is more comfortable" makes no sense and is really annoying when I get up in the morning and have to step over said mattress.
When you only get sick at your friends house, perhaps I am correct and it is the five indoor dogs that are causing your eyes to turn red and burn. For once, listen to your mother.
For the two middle schoolers; your grades are now up online. I can check to see if your homework is completed or not, so don't lie about it. You will be caught.
Emily, diapers are to be worn at all times. I know you like commando, but my furniture doesn't.
Doing the dishes without being told will earn you a huge thank you. What it will not earn you is your electronics back. I said three weeks, I meant three weeks. You want them back, bring up your grades and alter your attitude. Kissing up is nice, but it doesn't negate the reason for the punishment.
Picking up the books does not mean shoving them onto the shelf. There is an order and it is pretty simple to figure out. (Yes, I am anal. You would be to if you had seven kids.)
When I am on the phone is not the best time to ask me to help with homework, what I did that day, can you do something this weekend, etc. I spend less than ten minutes on the phone a week; can't you just give me that ten minutes in peace?
No, you cannot use my laptop "real quick" if Caleb is on the other computer. Are you high? Wait your turn or read a book. The laptop is the one thing in the house that is MINE. I do not share.
Yes, Wednesday is still date night and no, you can't come with us.
Why yes, as a matter of fact that is a new purse. When you get a job you can buy yourself things too. Until then, appreciate what you are given and quit rolling your eyes when I get something new.
No, I don't care if your English teacher claims it is "manditory" that I attend this open house. When she can learn to spell "mandatory" tell her I will be there. Until then, I am busy.
The whole "all my teacher's hate me" excuse is getting old. If that were the case they would all be passing you so that they wouldn't have to deal with you next year. They are failing you because you aren't doing your work. Go figure.
When I say "stay" that means stay. It does not mean wait until I get the gate open and escape when my arms are too full to stop you. (that was for the dog)
I don't care how many times that crazy lady calls; I am still in the shower and Dad is still sleeping. Yes, even if it is 6 am.
Yet again, dinner is whatever is placed in front of you at dinner time.
Speaking of, we eat at pretty much the same time each night. I have never forgotten to feed you, so please do not ask me a thousand times what time dinner is. It will be the same time as always.
I still don't know what time Dad is coming home or if he is working on his days off. Ask him.
When I am battling the flu, I don't care how sexy I look in my ratty sweats and oversized sweatshirt. No means no, damnit.

Okay, that is all for now. Not as funny as normal, but I have been having off days.

Total Rant

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 15:27:08 GMT

Okay, this is without a doubt an absolute rant. If you don't want to read a mommy's tale of how she is losing her mind; stop here. You have been warned.

I am losing my flipping mind. Josh is now at the end of week one of his three week punishment. If he ask me one more flipping time if he can just please have his electronics back I am going to throw the damn television out the flipping window.

Here is Josh's view of the situation; I am a total shit for weeks (years) and today I decided after my latest fit to kiss Ange's ass and wash the dishes in the sink without her asking. That five minutes of good behavior totally erases the weeks (years) of being a shit. I have so earned my electronics back.

Here is my view; Buy a flipping clue dude. Not an hour before you decided to wash the dishes you were throwing a big hissy fit because I told you to find something to do besides pout at the kitchen table. No, one good deed does not erase the reasons behind the punishment. Sheesh.

The day prior I left the house for something. He waited until I left and snagged the house phone. Um, last I checked the phone had a battery and required an electrical plug thus putting it under the "no electronics" ban. He just had to call "mommy". Okay, no problem, but you did it AFTER I left the house, seems shady to me. I don't know who he called and I don't care. He was not allowed to use the phone without my permission; busted once again. I had told him that if he altered his behavior that he could have just his television back after one week. He failed and it cost him. He is really not getting it.

On the other front; H's brother and sister in law have called to ask if they could pick up the kids for the weekend. These two are rare members of the loon squad. They are normal and happily married. When they take the children, they are well cared for and supervised at all times. There is no drama involved with them unless H decides to be a bitch. Neither Matt or myself had any problem with them taking the children for the weekend. I can use the break and the kids enjoy spending time with them. Our one request, please do not let H remove Liz from the home. This is what usually happens when the kids go visit H. She drops the boys off with her brother and takes Liz goodness knows where.

Her brother agreed immediately and asked that we explain our position to Liz. In fact, he mentioned he hadn't spoken to H in over two months and wasn't planning on letting her know the kids were down there. Even better, drama free weekend with no screaming fights in the yard for "her kids". I have explained to Liz several times that she was to remain at her uncle and aunts home for the entire weekend. I also explained we would not be mentioning the trip to "mommy" on the off chance she called. The bitch has called ONCE in four months and that was last week to make sure she got "her kids" on Thanksgiving weekend. Oh lord, do not get me started on that crap.

Anyway, I left last night again to run to the store. When I got home I learned that Liz had called "nana" to get her mom's number. She wanted to call mommy just "to see how she is". April, is that stupid tattoo on my forehead a bright enough color? Thankfully, nana didn't answer so Liz was unable to get H's number. I was beyond livid.

It had been less than ten minutes since I had the discussion about not talking to mommy about the upcoming trip and the girl is already trying to reach her. I swear, I think drama is a genetic thing. Liz thrives on it just like H does. She likes nothing more than retelling the story from last Thanksgiving when H showed up at her grandmother's house and snatched the kids. The whole family is a flipping soap opera, I swear.

I now have to decide if the break is worth the drama that I know is coming. Liz can't keep her mouth shut and the head loon (H's mom) knows the kids are coming. I have no doubt that that loon will call H to tell her just to piss her off. I now have a headache and my house needs cleaning.

I feel better and now I am off to seriously clean. Later.

A little boy

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 15:01:18 GMT

Matt sent this too me and it just cracked me up.

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'

The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on AOL. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

Scroll down...You'll love this .....

'You got Male!

We won't win them over with this nonsense

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 20:37:07 GMT

I make no secret that I am Christian. I also make no secret that I get tired of the constant ridiculousness that comes from some very outspoken religious groups that give the rest of us a bad name.

Halloween and the "ban" that many call for still cracks me up. The people standing outside the abortion clinics proclaiming the rights of the unborn while celebrating the death of doctors that perform abortions, astounds me.

People, we aren't exactly winning anyone over to our side with the heavy handed tactics. Whatever happened to compassion, understanding, kindness, non judgmental approaches?

I refuse to judge anyone because I have never walked in their shoes. Some would look at my life and question some of my decisions; I say feel free, but unless you have lived my life, your opinion means nothing to me.

Okay, now what started me off on this mini rampage? Yet again we have a Christian group that is proclaiming to speak for us all. Is their latest target out kicking puppies and poisoning kittens? No. Their latest target is (gasp) including several different religious holidays in their commercials.

You heard me right. Gap has had the audacity to include Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, and Solstice in their newest commercial. They are calling it their "Happy Whateveryouwannkha" ad. Alert the Pope, someone has included other religious practices along side ours. Whatever will we do? Oh wait, I am not catholic, so skip that part about the Pope.

American Family Association has called for a boycott on this establishment as well as Old Navy and Banana Republic due to "an attempt to patronize people".

I am off to Old Navy, Gap, and Banana Republic for some Christmas shopping. AFA, stop claiming to speak for those of us that are sick and tired of this kind of stupidity.

Rant over.

Back to normal?

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 14:10:47 GMT

I want to do the happy dance because Jake is finally able to go back to school. Don't get me wrong; out of all the kids, Jake is the one that I have the least problem with when he is home. We spend entirely too much time correcting people on the internet and laughing together, but I know he has wanted to go back to school for the past several days. Today, he is almost well enough, so he is making the effort.

So, the happy dance would be proceeding but for the fact that Josh and Alyssa get out at 11:30 for the next four days. Oh yippee. The one kid that is heading towards a meltdown due to his lack of electronics is now going to be home several hours earlier from school. This is not going to be a good week.

My quest for my item on ebay was going swimmingly until a bidding war broke out while I slept. Ugh, nine hours left and I am terrified that I won't get the item. I have almost reached my limit on what I am willing to pay (okay I reached that prior to the bidding war, but I am willing to go up ever so slightly) so I am hoping my latest bid holds out. Caleb really wants this for Christmas and I hate to fail at something.

Big day for Matt. I am on pins and needles waiting to hear from him. Hopefully, I will have some exciting news later.

I am going to do my best to stay away from here today and focus on cleaning. The holidays are coming and that means kids will be home for several days. I want things organized prior to that. Later.

Wow, I miss a lot

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 14:37:28 GMT

So yesterday I decided to stay in bed in the hopes of finally beating this flu. Matt had gone into work the night prior for what he thought would be just a few hours and it turned into about ten. Originally, he was going to sleep for a few and then head back to work, but he took one look at me when he woke up and changed his plan. He told me to go to bed and he would just go into work today. Thank you, finally a break. Yeah, not so much, but I did get a bit of rest.

We did a quick run to the grocery store for much needed supplies and after coming home to unload and get him started on dinner, I went to take a much needed rest. I had been dozing for maybe thirty minutes when he comes to wake me up asking me if I had purchased anything on Craigslist that I was having delivered. Well, a) most people don't deliver and b) no, I hadn't even been on Craigslist for a few days. We both head out to make sure that the people have the right home to discover that it is the douchebags parents. While I had been asleep, Travis had come over. They were here to pick him up and they were bringing over this kitchen for Emily. I had first heard about the kitchen a few months ago. L had asked Whitney if she thought Emily would like it since her daughter had outgrown it a few years prior. Whitney said sure and then we all promptly put it out of our minds.

This kitchen is a.d.o.r.a.b.l.e. It is a wooden set with the little hanging rack over the top to hold the pot holders and pans. She included tons of playfood and pots and pans. Yes, Emily already has a kitchen, but this one is so much cuter and Emily loves it. I put the little tikes kitchen up for sale on Craigslist and Emily has a better one. I hope to have the little tikes gone today.

I ventured over to Ebay and bid on something for the first time yesterday. I had purchased that chair for Emily for Christmas and Caleb has decided that he really wants a Blues Clues Thinking Chair. For those of you that don't have small children; they don't make Blues Clues toys available in many places any longer. The chair is now only found at Target and it is a blow up one that has a life expectancy of two days IF you are lucky. We have been through four and that was in under a weeks time. So, once again, I had to think outside the box.

Ebay, here I came. They had an actual real thinking chair, but they want way more than I am going to spend on such an item, so I had to do some more searching. I did find a foam one (much like the Dora, Spiderman, etc. chairs you see at Wal-Mart in the toy department) that was the thinking chair. Perfect!! It was the right price so I placed a bid on it. I have a little over a day left for bidding, so I am keeping my fingers crossed that I win the item. I did learn quickly that I needed to place a max bid on it so that I would hopefully overcome any last minute bids. We shall see.

The no electronics punishment is now in day four. I can say it is working out perfectly. He is "bored out of his mind" and "really, really sorry". Oh goodie, remember that the next time you want to act a fool because you still aren't getting electronics back for two weeks. He almost bought himself more time yesterday when after the tenth time he had asked me, " can't I just watch this video because I am being really good now?" Okay, you can't erase eight years of crap with eight minutes of decent behavior. So sorry, you did the crime now you are doing the time.

During my hiatus in bed yesterday, I seem to have missed quite a bit. All I am going to say is; I am glad I was sick and missed the brunt of things.

I am off to Wal-Mart.

Punishment isn't fun?

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 18:00:48 GMT

Who knew? I mean, I was always under the impression that punishment was like taking a trip to Disney World. (I would put my sarcastic smiley here, but they aren't working)

A few days ago we had a situation that reached crisis level with one of the kids. In all honesty, it had been at this level for some time, but M and I finally reached an agreement that something had to be done. Grades were an issue as well as serious backtalking and general disrespect. In an effort to once and for all end this; we decided to lay down the law.

The child in question was scheduled for a class trip to an amusement park on Wednesday. School was out for the holiday and the school had arranged the tour bus and a day up in LA. It was decided that due to the recent behavior, J was not making the trip. We had to do something to make our point, and other punishments just weren't working.

The problem was, we had already paid for the trip and it wasn't cheap. The ticket was non refundable and non transferable. I would also be the parent left to tend to the child while his step sister went on the trip. M was working and this was a nightmare just waiting to happen. After much discussing back and forth a compromise was worked out. We would allow the trip, BUT, he would be made to give up all things electronics for one week as a result of his behavioral issues. This meant, no cell phone, no video games, no radio, no ipod, no computer, and no television. Well, Mr. Ten Feet Tall and I Don't Give a Damn, thought he was getting off easy and agreed immediately.

It is now Friday and due to ongoing behavior issues, we are up to two weeks without electronics with a third week under debate at the moment. The third week came into play this morning. I came into the kitchen and discovered a clock radio sitting on the table. I asked oldest child why it was there. Well, I guess I had forgotten to unplug it in J's room and he had it hidden on his bed last night listening to music. A direct violation of the "no electronics" rule.

When I asked him why he thought he could violate the terms of the deal his answer was; "It is all your fault. I am so flipping bored because there is nothing to do. You aren't fair. This punishment isn't easy and I didn't do anything but turn on the radio for three flipping seconds." My reply; "I hope it was worth it because now we have to discuss adding on another week."

Apparently in J's mind punishment should be milk and cookies. He is in for a long hard lesson.

For lack of anything better

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 21:35:13 GMT

I am still sick and somewhere along the way, I have lost all abilities to type and spell correctly. I also seem to be having difficulty hearing things. So, for lack of anything better; here are some random things that either made me giggle today or made me angry.

Caleb woke up this morning and said the following; "When I growed up I am going to be a cooker." Not that funny, but what I thought he said was; "When I growed up I am going to be a hooker." Oops.
Emily has decided that the best time for us to bond is midnight. She likes to sit on my lap and stick her feet up in my face so I will kiss her toes. She happens to have adorable toes, but midnight is pushing it just a bit.
Whitney sent me the following text message; I am going with Mandi after school for tabo might. Be home later. I sat there for ten minutes before I realized it was Thursday and "tabo might" was actually "taco night" at Mandi's house. Sheesh.
Jake and I have become addicted to Arizona Southern Style Tea. Since starting our addiction, every store within a ten mile radius has been sold out each time I try to purchase more.
I have started and deleted no less than five blogs this morning. I have lost my ability to make anything funny enough to blog.
Josh woke up this morning with the ever vague "my stomach hurts" excuse. In a house full of people with the flu, couldn't you have come up with "my throat hurts" so I would have at least given it a seconds thought before I told you to get your ass in there and get ready for school? Dude, you didn't even register a normal fever. You are so going to school.
H fooled me by calling from her old cell phone number. The hag actually got me to answer the phone. I swear this flu is weakening my senses to crazy people.
Matt ended up working last night for what was supposed to be a "few hours" and then he was heading home so that he could help me today. He got home at ten this morning and promptly went to bed. Thanks for the help honey.
The water is still shut off and I have never wanted to take a shower more than I do right now.
The stupid mega blocks are taking over my living room and I am seriously considering calling in professional help. Does anyone know of a mega blocks exterminator?
The front page of momaroo is seriously begging me to answer the "how do you handle mommy stress" question by saying; "tequila and duct tape", but I am afraid those crazy front page women won't get my humor.
It is two weeks before Thanksgiving and the crazy people are suddenly remembering that they have children and are already calling to make their demands on when and where we (the two people actually raising said children) will be bringing the children. Seriously people, next time share the bucket of crazy with the others because you two drank way more than your share.

Okay, I think I am done. Time to ~~blow up~~ clean the living room. With any luck, all the kids will be back in school tomorrow and I will finally have some normalcy back in my routine.

Black Friday

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 18:57:24 GMT

Years ago when I was the mother of only two children, still married to my first husband, and living a very conservative lifestyle, I was known to hit the Black Friday sales. I would even head out with my sister on Thanksgiving night to the few stores that were open. We caught the sales, fought the crowds, and felt smug about the ten cents we saved on Christmas ornaments.

I have not participated in Black Friday madness since I moved to California. I am unsure if it is the fact that I am now the mother of eight children and my second husband is always at work on that day, leaving me without that all important childcare; or if I have just outgrown the madness. Do I really want to stand in line for five or more hours so that I can save a few dollars on a DSi that will most likely be sold out by the time I get there? Or the even worst scenario; another store will put it on sale days later at an even better price and I will be stuck either knowing I got screwed or fighting that return line.

I think that my lack of participation most likely stems from my time spent in retail sales during the holiday season. I have never in my life seen more people act a fool than I witnessed my two years on the front lines of retail. Customers that I would see on an almost daily basis suddenly lost their damn minds all in the pursuit of a perceived "great deal". I saw my fellow workers gearing up for that holiday nightmare with the same preparation one would expect a soldier heading to war undergoes.

List of "black" items? Check

Radio to call for backup? Check

Scanner gun for price checking? Check

Advil for the headache you know you are going to get? Check

Pepper spray when you are forced to tell people the item is out of stock? Check (okay I made that one up)

Plans for after work at the bar? Check

It was a nightmare that we dreaded for those weeks between Halloween and Thanksgiving. People were rude, they were pushy, they didn't want to wait and wanted you to know exactly how many items that were available back in electronics even though you had never set foot in electronics in your life.

I mourned the day that Wal-Mart did away with their lay away policy, but I have to say that on some level I understand. The only thing worse than working the front lines on Black Friday was working in the Lay Away department on Black Friday. Lines literally ran through the entire store all the way out to the parking lot. For reasons that still make no sense to me, there were only about four people in the entire store that were "qualified" for lay away. This meant that only two people actually worked the front while the other two worked the back getting the boxes put into place. It was like putting a kitten in front of a stampede of elephants and expecting it to hold them off. Can you say impossible?

The actual picking up of said lay away was almost as bad. Again, two people working the front while two searched the hundred or so trailers brought in to store merchandize. Seasoned shoppers knew to pack a lunch and arrange for the day off because it was going to take you all day.

So, this has taken a completely different turn than when I started. How does that always happen to me?

Do you plan on taking part in the Black Friday madness or are you going to just wait and see what happens the weeks leading up to Christmas? I think I will take the sit back and watch approach.